I got two dozen bottles of no. 9
One magic ring for the hypnotizing
Slugs, snails and a Chinaman's tooth
One webbed foot from a spotted goose
I'm going through hell
Trying to put a spell on you
Mail order magic
A worn out pouch from a kangaroo
A voodoo dolly with a weird hairdo
An original copy of Aladdin's lamp
This mail order magic
ain't worth a stamp
Well oh well I got to pin a tail on
Well oh well got to get to Salem
Well oh well maybe they can sell me
How to put a spell on you
Here I'm sitting up to my arse
In legless lizards & spider grass
Potions, pills, all of this junk
I'd send it all back but there's no refund
I got a dead dogs donga
from Shepherds Bush
I got Pharaoh's scarab from Hollywood
But the only thing happening
in this here pad is
mail order magic is driving me mad
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